Michael Bungay Stanier
To build an effective new habit, you need five essential components: a reason, a trigger, a micro-habit, effective practice, and a plan. (Location 214)
Make no mistake, there’s a place for small talk. It’s a way of reconnecting and engaging with a person, of building relationships, of remembering that other people are human and reminding them that you’re human, too. (Location 334)
The Kickstart Question: “What’s on Your Mind?” An almost fail-safe way to start a chat that quickly turns into a real conversation is the question, “What’s on your mind?” (Location 346)
It’s a question that says, Let’s talk about the thing that matters most. It’s a question that dissolves ossified agendas, sidesteps small talk and defeats the default diagnosis. (Location 353)
Coaching for performance is about addressing and fixing a specific problem or challenge. It’s putting out the fire or building up the fire or banking the fire. It’s everyday stuff, and it’s important and necessary. Coaching for development is about turning the focus from the issue to the person dealing with the issue, the person who’s managing the fire. (Location 357)
The 3P model is a framework for choosing what to focus on in a coaching conversation—for deciding which aspect of a challenge might be at the heart of a difficulty that the person is working through. (Location 365)
Projects A project is the content of the situation, the stuff that’s being worked on. It’s the easiest place to go to and it will be the most familiar to most of us. (Location 370)
Putting the 3Ps to Use “What’s on your mind?” you ask. “The [insert name of thing they’re working on],” they say. “So there are three different facets of that we could look at,” you offer. “The project side—any challenges around the actual content. The people side—any issues with team members/colleagues/other departments/bosses/customers/clients. And patterns—if there’s a way that you’re getting in your own way, and not showing up in the best possible way. Where should we start?” (Location 384)
A 2010 study started by making the point that any time we have something on our mind, it’s literally using up energy—even though it accounts for only about 2 percent of your body weight, your brain uses about 20 percent of your energy. But more than that, what you’re holding in your mind will unconsciously influence what you can notice and focus on. (Location 420)
The AWE Question: “And What Else?” I know they seem innocuous. Three little words. But “And What Else?”—the AWE Question—has magical properties. With seemingly no effort, it creates more—more wisdom, more insights, more self-awareness, more possibilities—out of thin air. There are three reasons it has the impact that it does: more options can lead to better decisions; you rein yourself in; and you buy yourself time. (Location 460)